Do I talk too much? Do I listen with focus when It’s not my turn to talk or am I too busy thinking about what I get to say when it’s my turn?  Do I feel the need to interrupt with remarks that only serve to make my presence known rather than contribute relevance to the dialogue?Often our best role in communicating is to just be there and listen.  Do I facilitate this role for the appropriate length of time? Do I provide a nonjudgemental stance that allows those around me the freedom to speak free and easy?

In one of many parallels music making has with day to day life,  I often keep myself in check in social settings as well as on the bandstand.

Now I ask these same questions to myself while making music in a group setting. Am I ok with just listening to the other musicians in a supportive role for long periods of time?  (Just groove!)  Am I truly listening or is my mind drifting?  (Play the right volume to support) Do I make musical statements that are relevant and of value? (Real phrases!)  When its time to solo do I talk too much??  Do I ramble on incoherently or do I make real statements that communicate to the other musicians and the audience?

If you don’t know exactly what is appropriate, observe the people in your life who don’t seem to understand social dynamic.  Start there and look for some of those flaws in yourself.  Understand how to be like-able in life and apply it to music making.   Understand how to be like-able in a music setting and apply it to life!

Insecurities for me were pretty loud in my mind’s chatter while in college.  College age is of course ripe for that as one is right on the border of being a real man but still a child.   The best relief I had from this affliction was to just observe it and try my best to not let it come out in my playing.   This means listening back to recordings!  I remember being “in my head” at last nights gig.  I remember thinking… am I slowing down?… I listen to the show… seems ok.  This would prove that because its in my head doesn’t mean it’s coming out in my playing.  This means.. no need to fight the chatter, carry it with you and  just play on!  This fearful chatter would slowly dissipate through the years as I gained more experience as a musician and a human.   But I will forever know… negative thoughts in my head doesn’t necessarily manifest in my playing.  This can be calming and relaxing and a good reminder to not take this stuff too seriously!

Or any recording of yourself for that matter.  Often we hate to hear ourselves as we can be our biggest critic.  Do it anyway!  You’ll never learn more about your playing then this way.   For every  negative: “Why did I play that?” or “A shoot I rushed that fill?” find one positive in your playing: “Hey that was tasty”  or “The tempo stayed nicely” Just use your smartphone to record yourself at the gig at the coffee shop or restaurant.  What may be a mundane gig can now be a great opportunity to fine tune those common grooves and check on your time consistency.